Never have I ever imagined that this is the way I will be graduating from law school: Graduated as the Best Graduate/Valedictorian and attended the ceremony that was being held online.
There is an actual term to define this flux of emotions when you just love and despise something at the same time: Emotional Ambivalence – the perfect term to define how I feel towards this past 3.5 years in law school. Not going to sugarcoat anything in this post, it has never been easy to win law school’s heart (if it has any). I may look strong as titanium on the facade, or maybe some of you thought that I was made for this, I am gifted, bulletproof, but for sure I am not. Not a little time I encountered mental breakdowns and had to drown my face into the pillow to scream and cry and had no other choice but to fake a smile the next day, acted like everything is okay. Too many bittersweet memories and ridiculous trinkets that sure I will catch myself smiling reminiscing it later in the future.
Law school is no joke. You can slowly feel like you are losing yourself in the most incomprehensible way and if you are not aware, it might devour you alive. Nevertheless, I was (and still am) privileged enough to have a strong support system that has helped me went through all these impediments and struggles. Regardless of how ostracised I thought I was at the beginning of my university years, along the way I met educators who guide, seniors who nurture, juniors who support, and a bunch of friends that I know I can count on them for the rest of my life.
Here is to my ex-boyfriend who told me that I am not that smart, teachers in high school who thought that I am not going to make it, the lecturer who thinks that I am not ambitious enough. Here is to knowing that (an insane three years period of) Tuberculosis, financial crises in the second year, sleepless nights, many failures, terrible breakups, and losses that I faced due to the global pandemic, are not going to make me give up and quit. In fact, I will just come back stronger and better.
Last but not least, Alhamdulillah. I will never be here without God’s grace and the prayers of my family, my siblings, my mum, and my dad (from up there, I know he is watching). Those supreme power ease my journey. Thought that I can do it on my own, but there are people who have also been here since day 1 as my safe nets whenever I am falling: all kind souls that unfortunately cannot be mentioned one by one. You know who you are.
At the end of the day, all I can do is cherish all those memorable lessons and pick the best fruit out of them. Here I am, well-equipped, doubtless, and ready to embark and sail on a new adventure.
Cheers to many more open doors and opportunities.
[P.S: I was thinking of uploading more of my law school stories here or on my LinkedIn page. Hope that those stories can inspire you.]